The random lives of ninja
by Maya-chan2007
Summary: Have you ever wondered what it's like for the Naruto characters, when their not busy-being ninja? Well, in here, you will see little snippets of what their lives are like. Every chapter is a one shot, rated T for language and safety. First chap. sucks.
1. Chapter 1

In Konoha, there are several prominent clans. Yes, the Uchiha are included, even though they were massacred. And even though Sasuke left. But that's beside the point. He's back now. But anyway, these prominent clans have, as you can probably imagine, several rules, laws, and customs that must be so, or the offender is held in contempt of clan. Yes, it's a new rule, that all of the clans voted on. Unanimously, for once.

These rules, in effect and only really concerning, of the clans are as such like, it is against Akimichi law to not eat all of the food set down in front of them. If this law is violated, then the offender will not eat for the next three days. No exceptions.

For the Nara, it is against Nara law to be afraid of the dark, as that would mean that a Nara is then afraid of their own power and family. Violators of this law are disowned, and forever looked down upon by members of the Nara clan. You can imagine what it's like concerning teasing by people outside the clan. The only exceptions to this rule are the very young, as the Nara have a heart, albeit shrouded in darkness, **(An: he he, just had to put that there: 3)**, but a heart nonetheless, so the very young who can not help themselves are excused. Although, they are taught to toughen up early in life.

For the Yamanaka, they are expected to know what all types of flower are. For, yes, they run a flower shop. They think it's cool. Another, secret, law of the Yamanaka is that when in absolute control of an opponent, then they must learn all about the hosts mind that they can. Why this is the secret law, and not the first, is known only to the Yamanaka.

For the Inuzuka, it is against their clan law to be referred to as 'acting like a cat', or have anything to do with cats. Don't ask; their just serious dog fanatics.

For the Aburame, it is against clan law to not name each and every one of their insects. Because they're already in love with their insects, they already name their bugs, so this is a little known law. Go figure. It is also part of Aburame law to model sunglasses. Also, go figure.

For the Uchiha, it is against Uchiha law to be called 'emo.' This is why they get upset with people when they are called emo, and thus why they are anti-social. This helps further the belief that they are emo, but the Uchiha don't know this, or they don't care, so nothing is done to stop this. It is also against Uchiha law to be 'nice' to a Hyuuga, or to be called a 'Hyuuga lover'. This is achieved when an Uchiha is on 'friendly ground' with any member of the Hyuuga clan, including the Hyuuga's part-time maid service. So the Uchiha either use their own maid service, or clean themselves. This leads to the Uchiha taunting the Hyuuga about how the Hyuuga can't do anything for themselves.

Now, the Hyuuga are extra serious about their rules and laws. For instance, every side-branch member is to be obsessed by fate, destiny, and caged birds (yes, there is a reason why Neji's like that.), and every main-branch member is to act like they are inner-party members in a 1984 world, where the side branch is the proles. If anyone's read this book, then they will know what I'm talking about. However, there is an even more obscure law of the Hyuuga, which is probably the most important…

Hyuuga Hinata was walking down the street with her teammates, when they happened to run into cell seven, minus Kakashi, along with the other cells, minus their senseis. Being somewhat naturally friendly, the cell went to chat with their friends and crushes (coughNarutocough).

"Hey, Kiba, Hinata-chan, Shino, what's up?" Naruto shouted at the team. Shino winced slightly, while Hinata blushed and hid a little behind her two teammates, as Kiba waved and walked over to where a general conversation was taking place. Shino and Hinata walked over as well.

"So, what are you all talking about?" Kiba asked.

"We were just talking about how Sakura's family has some really weird rules." Tenten said.

"I bet their not as weird as MY family's!" Kiba shouted. For some reason which no one's figured out yet, despite several on-going investigations, Kiba, Naruto, Lee, and Ino all liked to shout loudly. Sakura sometimes as well, though they considered this unfair, since her team had two loud people, and everyone else's had only one. For some reason, this really bothered Shino. Not that he'd say or do anything about it.

"Oh yeah? Billboard brow was just saying that her family-" Ino started, but was interrupted.

"What, has to have un-natural hair colors?" Neji asked. Tenten and Lee have been trying to make him have a sense of humor, but so far their efforts have only made Neji more insulting. Though no body really noticed.

"NO!! And I don't have an unnatural hair color. It's pink naturally, so therefore, it IS natural." Sakura said defensively. Everyone rolled their eyes at this. She had been trying to pass it off as natural for years, but nobody was fooled. That is, until Ino revealed that in fact, Sakura did _not_ dye it. So the mystery continues.

"Okay. If it isn't about your hair, then what is your clan law?" asked Shikamaru, finding the whole not-getting-to-the-point thing rather troublesome.

"My family is supposed to have an 'inner self.' That's my clan's thing." Sakura said simply. Everyone just stared at Sakura without saying anything for a while. Finally, Naruto broke the silence.

"Wow. That's lame. Sure glad _my_ family's not like that, eh, Hinata-chan?"

"A-ano?" Hinata stuttered. Because, come on, Naruto spoke to her. And thus acknowledged her existence. This is more than her family did. Well, except for Hanabi and Neji. And her father on occasions, whenever he wanted his tea. And dango; the man had a tea-and-dango fetish.

"_**What did you say about my family, you little-!"**_ Inner Sakura shouted at Naruto, scaring not only him, but also Sasuke, who was standing next to her, and didn't know she could do such a thing, and everyone else, who didn't know she would act violent.

Naruto was scared so severely, that he quickly latched onto the thing that was closest at the time, which happened to be a very scared, shocked, and now thoroughly embarrassed Hinata.

When this happened, several other things also occurred, almost simultaneously. First, Hinata got over her shock at Sakura, and turned her head to look at Naruto. Next, Shino and Kiba noticed Naruto's close proximity to Hinata, and started to get defensive, and overprotective. Neji stared at Naruto in disgust, hatred, and slight horror. Then Hinata started screaming.

"Nooooo! N-n-naruto-kun, please, get off! Right now!" Hinata said while freaking out. Hinata freaking out diverted everyone else's attention away from Sakura, who was still steaming.

"Huh? What's wrong, Hinata-chan?" Naruto asked, not really getting what was wrong.

"You idiot, look where you are! Get off of her, right now!" Kiba shouted, with Akamaru barking as well.

"Naruto Uzumaki. You have three seconds to get off of Hinata, before my insects turn you into their next meal." Shino said in a soft, threatening voice.

Naruto finally noticed what had happened, and got down. With his eyes closed and one hand behind his head, he tried to apologize. The authoress says 'tried', because before he got a chance to say anything, Neji gentle-fisted him in the gut.

"You _idiot_, you (excuse Neji's French) _bastard,_ do you have any idea what you have done?!" Neji asked, livid.

Everyone else was slowly backing away from the small group that consisted of a still trembling Hinata, a furious Neji, who was standing over a bent over Naruto. Nobody really knew what was happening, that maybe this was another extreme case of Over-Protective Older Cousin Syndrome, which Neji seemed to pick up after he nearly killed Hinata. They didn't understand it, either.

"Wh-what do you mean? I just hugged her, what's the big deal?" said Naruto, not really understanding what was happening. Sakura was about to take the blame, since she did scare Naruto, when Hinata stopped trembling, and started screaming.

"NO! NOW I CAN NEVER GET MARRIED!!" After screaming this at the top of her lungs, Hinata then ran off in the direction of the Hyuuga compound. Everyone stared in bafflement after her, and then turned to Neji, with a collective, _huuunh??_

Neji sighed, and turned to Naruto. "This is your entire fault, you know." Neji started to walk after her, when Kiba grabbed his sleeve before he could leave.

"What the hell was that back there? What's with Hinata, and why'd she suddenly shout that she couldn't get married?" Kiba asked him. Everyone else gathered around Neji as well, blocking his way.

"I think you owe us an answer, for why young Hinata was acting most un-youthful just now!" Lee shouted exuberantly.

"_Sigh_, but when I'm done, I really need to go see Hinata-sama before she does something drastic. Actually, I'll tell you on the way there." Neji said as he started off after his cousin.

"Okay. We're following. Now what was that about?" Shikamaru asked.

"Like we were talking about earlier, about clan law. One of the Hyuuga's clan laws is that we can not be touched, or we aren't allowed to marry. And don't try to touch me, Lee. It only applies to the main-branch. That's why the Hyuuga developed the Kaiten, rotation, so that nobody would touch us." Neji stated as they started running to the Hyuuga compound.

"What happens if someone does touch a member of the main branch?" Ino asked.

"Well, if you couldn't figure it out already, they are not allowed to marry. And for Hinata-sama to be touched, as the heir, is cause for disgrace. Since she only just got back into her father's good books with her tea, she probably won't want to do anything to mess that up, and since this is a big disgrace, she might try and- make sure no body finds out." Neji explained.

"So-Hinata-chan might try and off herself?! We got to stop her!" Naruto shouted while rushing on to the lead.

"We wouldn't be in this mess if you hadn't touched her." Sasuke said to Naruto, twisting the knife in his conscience.

"Hey, wait. If nobody's allowed to touch her, then why doesn't she act that way around Shino and Kiba?" Sakura asked. They still haven't made it to the compound yet, because the compound was on the other side of Konoha.

"Because they are her teammates. There are special exemptions for such matters, as the whole touching thing will go away when Hinata-sama _does_ eventually marry. But she can't now, and that is a great blow to her, because she is supposed to be the heir." Neji explained. By now, they could see the walls surrounding the compound.

When they reached the compound, there were a few guards that blocked their access. Naruto tried shouting at them, and they tried out their new gentle-fist techniques on him. Naruto would wake up in the hospital in an hour. Before any more tragedies could befall the group, Neji flashed the guards his Hyuuga member pass and the guards let the group in. Except Naruto. They left him outside.

Neji then used his Byakugan to look around the place for Hinata, and when he found her in a room alone with Hiashi, they decided to burst in to save her before she admitted what she had done, and killed herself.

The sight that lay before the group when they _did_ burst in half an hour later (the house is huge. And even though they had the Byakugan with them it didn't help as much as they thought it would.), was not one that they thought they would see.

Instead of Hinata, sobbing her eyes out for forgiveness, or lying dead on the ground, was standing over Hiashi, holding two notebooks, one black and one purple. Hiashi, on the ground, was quivering in fear.

"-and I will show these ledgers to the council, if you do not get rid of that rule, Father." Hinata said in a calm, collected, but still threatening voice.

Everyone who had gathered there to save Hinata stared blankly at her, trying to figure out what had happened.

"Any-anything! Just don't show those ledgers to the council!" Hiashi told Hinata in a pleading voice. Hinata then lowered the ledgers, and handed them to her father. Hiashi grabbed them, and started acting like Golem with them. Hinata turned to leave, and noticed her cousin and her other friends standing there, looking at her in amazement, and with a slight touch of horror.

"Eh? What is it?" Hinata asked them in her small voice again.

"Hi-Hinata-sama? Did you just threaten your father with his 'hidden' ledgers?"

"Threaten?" Hinata asked in shock. "Of course not, I would never do that! I prefer coercion."

**An: well, that's it for chapter one. If you all want me to, I'll do more, I have other ideas. Plus, I really like this side project, and would like to do more ideas. Oh, and if anyone didn't understand, the black and purple ledgers that Hinata showed her father were the ledgers that he uses for-**_**business transactions**_** that aren't exactly 'legal', if you catch my drift. The black ledger is straight out illegal stuff, and the purple is things that they would love to pin on them, but can't. Hinata was threatening to show them to the council, but now that the rule has been reversed, she won't. Well, if you liked the story, please review, and if you didn't like it, review in and tell me what you didn't like, so I can improve. This is only my second story/fic/thing, so I'm still learning. Anyways, please review!**


	2. Seeing eye dobe

**An: Well, here's the second chapter, and please enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or any of the characters, or I would probably be dead, cause they would be upset with me for what I put them through. Oh, well, they can just suck it up.**

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In Konoha, there are several methods to relieve boredom. Some are rather practical, such as seeing a movie, or working on your jutsu. Others are more entertaining, such as hanging out with friends and going shopping at the local Konohaville Mall. Others, however, are just down-right sad, stupid, and frankly scary, such as playing 'chase-your-friends/teammates/random people-around-Konoha', or playing interesting, and improving, pranks on friends/teammates/random people. Then, there is what happened one very ordinary, extremely boring day in Konoha.

Kakashi was walking home from his weekly porno-shopping, in the hopes that the store would finally have the newest issue of Icha-Icha Paradise (it didn't), when he noticed something was up with the various people that he was passing.

They all had on their Konoha forehead protectors, even the civilians. While this in itself was un-extraordinary, aside from the fact that the civilians were wearing forehead protectors, everyone of them were wearing their forehead protectors the same way- Kakashi-style, or over the left eye.

Kakashi thought at first that they were probably put up to it by Gai, to try and mess with him, when he noticed that everyone was not paying attention to him, and instead were focused on their own, boring lives. So, Kakashi thought that this must have something to do with his team.

When Kakashi found his team at Ichiraku Ramen's, they were, in fact, wearing their headbands the same way. So obviously, according to Kakashi, they were the culprits.

"Hello!" Kakashi said, making his way into Ichiraku's, smiling with his one visible eye hidden. _Better to have their guards down._ He thought to himself as his team cheered when he entered and sat down next to Naruto.

"Kakashi-sensei! Yeah, now it's a party! Just the four of us- hey, Teuchi! Another round of ramen over here, to celebrate!" Naruto cheered while waving his chopsticks around. Kakashi, Sakura, and Sasuke sweat dropped at this, but ignored it. They were, after all, used to it by now. Or, at least, that's what they tell themselves.

"Okay, another round of ramen, but you'll have to pay the tab sometime, Naruto." Teuchi said with a smile on his face, turning back to his oven.

"I'm not paying for it, Naruto." Kakashi said before Naruto could make him pay. Sakura and Sasuke hastily agreed as well. Naruto looked down, depressed, but he quickly got over it. After all, he was already fully prepared to go bankrupt over his ramen, and expected to do so, as well. Also, when he became Hokage, he would easily be able to pay it off, or at least get free ramen. After all, he'd be Hokage, right?

"So, kids, how is your ramen?" Kakashi asked while breaking his chopsticks apart to eat his own ramen.

"Awesome! Dattebayo!" Naruto cheered.

"It is good, especially this special diet ramen!" Sakura agreed cheerfully. Apparently, there was a lot of cheer.

"Hn." Sasuke answered. But, Naruto and Sakura didn't like this answer, and were determined to get him to finally be able to speak in complete sentences.

"Just 'hn'? Is that it?" Sakura said angrily.

"Liar! Teme! That's not true; you were really excited when you found out that they had Tomato Ramen now!" Naruto accused.

"Dobe!" Sasuke said angrily, and blushing slightly.

"As fun as this conversation is, I have something very important to talk to all three of you about." Kakashi said, interrupting any retort that Naruto and Sakura were about to say. Sasuke threw Kakashi a slightly grateful look, that is, if Uchiha did such a thing.

"What is it? Are we going on some super, secret, awesome, tough mission?!" Naruto asked loudly. Sasuke looked interested, and Sakura looked like she was going to prove herself on whatever mission it was.

They looked so cute, that Kakashi quickly brought out a camera and took several, and blinding, pictures and put it away just as quickly as he had brought it out.

"Not quite. There is no mission. But before you decide to ignore me and get back to your ramen, there is something I have to ask you." Kakashi said, as if nothing had happened. When he was sure that he had their attention, he proceeded with his question.

"…Is there any particular reason why not only you, but everyone else is wearing their headbands like me?" Kakashi asked, gesturing to Teuchi and Ayame, who were both wearing Kakashi-style headbands.

"Oh! That's because we wanted to start a new trend! Since you do it, it must be cool!" Naruto explained. Sakura and Sasuke nodded in agreement.

"Just because you complimented me, doesn't mean I'll go easy on you, or pay for your ramen." Kakashi explained. Naruto looked down, depressed that his plan to freeload his ramen was foiled. "And anyway, I only wear my headband like this to hide the Sharingan. You should know that." Kakashi added this part, thinking that it would get them to stop wearing their headbands like that, because that was HIS shtick. And frankly, it was scaring him, seeing so many people looking like him, and stealing his style.

Well, it worked, partly. Naruto and Sakura sadly took their headband off, and put them back on like how they usually do. Sasuke, however, thought that if it was supposed to cover the Sharingan, then it should cover the Sharingan.

With that in mind, Sasuke promptly pulled his headband down to cover both eyes. Kakashi saw this, and decided that he had enough of his special ed. team for one day, so he left quickly after paying for his ramen. He did not want to see what would happen next.

As luck would have it, right after Sasuke chose his new fashion statement, Naruto and Sakura finished their ramen. Naruto looked over at his friend, to make sure that he was still there, as both he and Sakura developed complexes where they have to be sure that Sasuke is still there with them, and noticed that Sasuke was now blind.

"Teme! You're blind!" Naruto shouted out the obvious. Sakura, being a medical ninja, quickly turned around to see if she could help, and noticed what it actually was. She started laughing when she saw.

"No I'm not, dobe. Kakashi said that he covers his Sharingan with his headband, so I did the same. I guess I am sort of blind now." Sasuke said thoughtfully. Sakura stopped laughing enough to write down in Sasuke's Baby Book that he spoke in complete sentences, along with the date, time, and place. Sai has a Baby Book, too, but his is for emotions. Sasuke's is for complete sentences.

"So, how are you going to get around, if you can't see? I mean, if you were a Hyuuga, then you would be able to just see through the headband, but your not." Naruto said, trying to be helpful.

"Baka. If Sasuke-kun was a Hyuuga, then he wouldn't even be wearing the headband like that, because he would have the Byakugan instead of the Sharingan." Sakura said matter-of-factly.

"So, what are we going to do?" Naruto asked.

"Hn. I have an idea. Dobe, be my seeing-eye-dobe. Then you can make sure that I don't run into anything." Sasuke said, with the headband still over his eyes.

"Dattebayo! That's a great idea, teme! I wouldn't have thought of that!"

"Well, if we're done here, then how about we head home. It's getting late." Sakura said, so far the only smart person among them, even if they haven't noticed that Sasuke doesn't have to wear his headband like that. Oh, well.

So, they left Ichiraku's, after paying, and headed off in the general direction of the Uchiha Estate, with Naruto leading Sasuke, and Sakura following along behind, to make sure that they don't get lost, or run into trouble.

They were halfway to the Estate, when they ran into Gai's team, coming back from training. The first thing that Team Seven noticed was that Gai was crying, because not only were Tenten and Neji wearing their headbands Kakashi-style, but Lee was wearing his Kakashi-style as well. The first thing that Team Gai noticed was that Sasuke was blind. So of course Neji, being a Hyuuga, had to rub in that not only did HE still have his normal sight, but he also had the Byakugan. There was also the mentioning that Sasuke was becoming more and more like his brother Itachi so that they were both blind.

What happened next is slightly fuzzy in everyone's mind, and on the official report, all it says is that Sasuke launched himself angrily at Neji, while his teammates tried to stop him. The resulting collateral damage wiped out any dreams Naruto had of the village covering his ramen tab when he was Hokage.

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Meanwhile, in Akatsuki-ville…

Itachi and Kisame were sitting around the Akatsuki-issue television, when Deidara and Sasori walked in. Why Sasori was there, since he died, no one knew, but Deidara was really happy. Tobi however, was not, because that meant that he couldn't be partners with his Deidara-sempai any more. This was why Deidara was happy.

"Hey, Itachi, did you hear? Apparently now, all Uchiha have to wear their headbands over their eyes, and have some stupid, dumb friend to be their 'seeing-eye-dobe', or something." Deidara said happily. He had his Danna back, and no Tobi, so for the time being, he didn't hate Itachi as much as he usually does.

"Hm. I hadn't heard of this. Well, Kisame? Will you be my seeing eye dobe?" Itachi asked while re-fastening his headband.

"Sure! Though it'll be tricky on missions." Kisame said thoughtfully.

"As long as it doesn't interfere with the success of your missions, I don't care." Pein said from his Leader-sama-seat, reading the Akatsuki gazette.

And so it was, that for about a month or so, you wouldn't see an Uchiha without his eyes covered by his headband. Even Tobi, but that's a different story, and you couldn't tell, anyway.

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**An: So, that was the second chapter. Hopefully, it was better than the first chapter. I suck at first chapters. Oh, well. So, how did you like this chapter? Hint hint. A.k.a., please review, people. Thanks in advance! **


	3. Can I come too, Niisama?

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

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Team seven were hanging out around Ichiraku's, enjoying a lunch together that was mandatory for Sasuke ever since he came back from his "vacation". For some reason, ever since Sasuke came back, Naruto and Sakura refused to believe that he left for Orochimaru's, and instead believe that he went on a vacation for two and a half years, jet-setting. The rest of the village didn't have the heart to tell them what happened. Sasuke didn't feel the need to tell them what really happened either, in case they decided to take 'drastic measures'. What these measures were, Sasuke wouldn't elaborate.

But anyways, they were sitting in Ichiraku's, eating their ramen, (tomato flavored for Sasuke; Naruto begged Teuchi), when Kakashi came to join them. Normally, this wasn't a big deal, since he liked to come check up on his former pupils (Kakashi couldn't forgive the Sannin for stealing them away), but this time he was there for a different reason.

"Hello, kids," Kakashi said, entering the restaurant and sitting down in an empty seat next to Sakura.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto and Sakura cheered. Sasuke hn'd before getting back to his surprisingly tasty tomato ramen. You couldn't even taste the ramen through the tomatoes…

_Ha! They call me sensei, but Naruto and Sakura don't call Jiraiya and Tsunade sensei. They just call them 'pervy-sage', and 'shishou'. And I sure as hell know that Sasuke doesn't call Orochimaru sensei. Actually, I'm not sure what he called him. Oh, well._ Kakashi thought to himself as he looked over the teenagers sitting next to him.

"So, sensei, you're here to tell me about some new, wicked awesome training technique, right? Oh, oh! Are you here to eat Ichiraku's new ramen? Or, or, could it be that there's a new, super-dangerous mission for us? Huh? Huh? Which is it?" Naruto chattered energetically over his ramen. Sakura and Sasuke looked curiously at Kakashi, wondering if there was a mission. The other conditions didn't matter to them.

"Actually, I'm here to talk to you about your mission reports, and some discrepancies that I found." Kakashi said casually.

"Hey, I completed all of my missions fair and square! Don't try to tell me that I lied about it!" Naruto said accusingly.

"Actually, no, it's not you that I needed to talk to," Kakashi said, turning to Sasuke. "It's Sasuke's mission reports that I need to talk about."

"Hey, I completed mine as well!" Sasuke said defensively.

"Really? Because, according to your mission report, you completed 17 S-rank missions, 29 A-rank missions, and 52 B-rank missions, all before you were five years old. How do you explain that?" Kakashi asked, amused. Naruto and Sakura turned and looked at Sasuke with both awe and skepticism in their eyes.

Sasuke looked down, contemplating, before scowling and stabbing his ramen repeatedly.

"No, not the ramen! What did the ramen do?!?" Naruto shouted while quickly saving the ramen. Sakura and Kakashi exchanged looks, wondering what had happened.

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In Akatsuki-ville…

Itachi, Kisame, Deidara, Hidan and Zetsu were sitting around a table, playing cards, when a certain topic of conversation came up.

"So, Itachi, I heard you have a brother." Zetsu asked while taking some cards from the deck and discarding the same amount. Yes, the Akatsuki was playing five-card draw.

"Yes. His name is Sasuke." Itachi said, not taking any cards. He had a full house.

"What's he like, seriously." Hidan asked, taking two cards.

"Is he a jerk like you, un?" Deidara asked, taking four cards.

"No, he is not a jerk. He's—troubled. And he takes all of his anger out on the people he cares about. But I remember when he was younger, and would follow me on missions." Itachi answered. It was Kisame's turn, and he chose to take two cards.

"Huh? Your brother would follow you on missions, Itachi-san? You never mentioned this before." Kisame said, taking his cards.

"It never came up before," Itachi said, laying his cards down and winning yet another hand. As Itachi was collecting his payment of poker chips, a memory came into his head…

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Time skip back to when Sasuke was born, and Itachi was going on missions…

"Now, Itachi, this is Sasuke. He's your little brother now, and you have to look after him. Understand?" Came a voice from one of Itachi's parents. It didn't matter which.

"Yes." Itachi answered. Already, he was a stoic, silent man. Boy. Since he's a kid now. Whatever.

Itachi was getting ready to leave on a mission, when he noticed that his bag was heavier than usual. Upon opening said bag, Itachi noticed his little brother Sasuke curled up, pretending to not be there. Sasuke was three months old.

"Now Sasuke, you can't go with me on my mission. It's dangerous." Itachi told Sasuke while setting him on the ground. Sasuke looked up at Itachi with sorrowful eyes.

"But, Nii-sama…Mom and Dad said that you have to look after me." Sasuke said while pouting. Even though he is only three months old, he already has an extensive vocabulary. Stupid Uchiha prodigies.

"Yes, but I'm sure that they don't mean for you to come with me on my missions. You could get hurt." Itachi said, kneeling to look Sasuke in the eye.

"No I won't, because Nii-sama won't let me get hurt, will you, Nii-sama?" Sasuke said confidently.

"It's not a matter of whether I would let you get hurt, which I would never, but more of a matter of Mother. What would she think if you suddenly disappear, and it turns out that you were on a mission with me?" Itachi asked Sasuke, poking him in the forehead lightly.

Sasuke took a minute to picture, and when he was done, he shuddered.

"Exactly. That's why you need to stay here while I'm off on my mission. But don't worry, I'll be back soon enough, and we'll play then." Itachi promised.

"Okay." Sasuke said, looking dejected as he walked off. Yes, a three-month old can walk. What can I say, their a family of prodigies.

Itachi watched as Sasuke walked off, and felt slightly guilty that he was so harsh with his younger brother. With that train of thought, Itachi went back over his supplies, a canister of water, a map, extra clothes, some provisions, 24 shuriken, 49 kunai, a tent—wait, 49 kunai? Itachi was sure that he had packed 48 kunai…

"Sasuke, I know you're their, and while I commend you on being able to transform into a kunai at three months (an: stupid clan of prodigies), I still know you're there." Itachi said, pulling out his kunai and sighing to himself.

_This is going to be a long day._

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

So, that was this chapter. Hope you enjoyed it, and hopefully it's better than the last two. I was rushing on them, so maybe this one's better. Please review!


	4. Dattebayo

Whenever a team has been together for a while, certain jokes can be made that only the team mates could get.

For example, every other Saturday, Team Eight will volunteer at the Konoha-ville Animal Shelter for Abused and Abandoned Animals, or the KASAAA for short. The Saturday's in between, they will build houses and shelters for the animals so they won't euthanize an overflow of animals. Team Eight has even been known to donate half, and in Kiba's case over half, of their ninja pay towards the neutering and spaying project so that more animals won't face the horror of being abandoned. Because Hinata has a big heart, and inevitably Hyuuga Genes that won't let her back down from a challenge, she will even give over part of her weekly Hyuuga allowance.

Another thing that only Team Eight would get is that the Konoha Power Company, or KPC, absolutely loves Hinata Hyuuga. This is because whenever Hinata gets really happy or excited, she will glow and emit what the KPC calls 'happy rays'. Such times would be whenever Naruto talks her, whenever Naruto or her father acknowledges her, whenever Naruto talks to her and gets her name right (it's always either Hinata or Hanabi, but he leads toward Hinata more, since Hanabi scares him), or whenever Naruto sees her. You know, now that I think about it, pretty much anything to do with Naruto.

To harness this power of the 'happy rays', the KPC has stuck special power detectors, so that whenever Hinata is close to emitting her 'happy rays', the detectors will go off and the KPC will rush over to her and suction the 'happy rays' into a special power cell that they created especially for her. This is the way that the KPC has run Konoha's energy for years now. They will also send Hinata a check for her services, which she puts away for her nest egg, but the majority goes to the KASAAA.

Team Gai has their own special inside secrets/jokes as well. For instance, whenever a major holiday comes around, Lee is to be kept inside at all times so that there is no chance of him getting a hold of any sake. Also, Neji is to be kept away from pet stores, otherwise he may get a crazy urge to free the birds that are for sell. As for Tenten, well, she requires her team to get her a weapon for any and all gift giving holiday-and yes, this include Valentine's Day. Its best not ask any questions.

Team Ten doesn't really have any hidden inside jokes/secrets as they are either lazy, busy eating, or checking out boys. Well, Ino is, not Shikamaru or Choji on the checking out boys front. Eh, their pretty much the embodiment of three of the seven sins.

Team Seven, on the other hand, has been through Hell and Heaven together. This kind of bond between comrades is like none other. In fact, Team Seven is so close, they even have a secret language.

"Dattebayo!"

Okay, so maybe it's not that great a secret. But still, the only ones who can understand what it is that he's actually saying are his team mates, and Kakashi. Still, it annoys several people to no end that they don't know what it is that he's saying, such as on this very day, on some random street in the middle of Konoha-ville…

Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura were walking around with nothing to do, since Sasuke was still on probation for the destruction that he wreaked a few chapters ago when Neji broke the golden rule about Uchiha's and called him 'emo'.

As they had nothing better to do, the trio was walking aimlessly in the hopes that something interesting would happen. They soon struck up a conversation to pass the time.

"Hey, want to go torture random genin?" Sakura asked, bored. It should be said that Sakura was so bored, Inner Sakura took over so that it would be a change of pace.

"Hn." Sasuke answered. Oh, and they could understand Sasuke's "hn's" as well.

"Dattebayo." Naruto said.

"Oh, that's right; you're both still genin yourselves. Then what should we do?" Sakura asked, feeling both stupid that she forgot that they were still genin, and proud that at least she was not.

"Hn."

"Dattebayo." Naruto replied, a bit angry at what Sasuke had said.

"Knock it off you two, or I'll knock you off!" Sakura said, not wanting to hear the beginnings of an argument. (Translation: hn= no; dattebayo= yes, that is true, but I'm afraid that you are never one to have any good ideas. Naruto speaks proper talk when he speaks in 'dattebayo'.)

"Hn." "Dattebayo." Both sounding repentant. (Translation: hn=sorry, Sakura; dattebayo= I am terribly sorry, Sakura-chan.)

Their conversation went on for a while, with them none the wiser about the group of people following them.

"What are they saying?" Ino asked to nobody in particular. She, her team, and the rest of the Konoha Thirteen (this includes Sasuke and Sai, who was on a mission when this happened).

"Don't know, but it's annoying. For all we know, they could be talking about us behind our backs, but…not…" Kiba said, trying to explain his thoughts.

"Well, I can kind of understand what Sasuke is saying, since Neji speaks in 'hn's' too, but Naruto-kun is a complete mystery to me," Lee said, looking thoughtful.

Neji looked offended that anyone, particularly his own team mate, would compare him to an Uchiha. Tenten tried to smooth things over.

"Well, I think it might be a different dialect than what Neji uses. But your right, Naruto is just confusing."

This conversation went on for a while, (ok, maybe only five minutes), until they noticed that they were being watched.

Turning around quickly, the group noticed Team Seven staring at them with confused, weirded out looks on their faces.

"What are you doing hiding behind these boxes?" Naruto asked, sounding as if he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer.

"Uh…well…um…" The ones with consciences/guilt complexes stuttered. Neji was still sore over being compared to an Uchiha, and Hinata was feeling a bit miffed that a member of her family was compared to an Uchiha. Kiba and Lee were still reeling over Naruto's secret language, and everyone else weren't sure what to make of everything.

"We were just talking about how it seems as if you and Sasuke talk in a different language that for some reason Sakura can understand," Shikamaru explained, sounding bored.

"Dattebayo?" Naruto asked Sakura. (Translation: What is it that our genius, lackadaisical friend and comrade insinuating?)

"Hn." Sasuke replied. (Translation: Eh, doesn't have anything to do with me.)

"Actually, Sasuke, it does sound like it has to do with you, and Naruto. Naruto, what Shikamaru is saying is that whenever you say 'dattebayo' or Sasuke says 'hn', they don't know what it is that you are saying. Does that help you?" Sakura aimed this last part at the group trying to figure out what Naruto and Sasuke had said.

"So, what, the loser just says 'dattebayo' and it actually means something?" Kiba asked, laughing a little at the thought. Before he could do anything else, Sakura had punched him into the ground and Sasuke and Naruto were staring at him as if he were a complete jerk.

"How dare you! You don't even know my mother, and yet you say such crude things! I've never even heard _Sai_ say anything even _half_ as offensive as that!" Sakura screamed at him before whirling around in a huff. Naruto and Sasuke shook their heads in disbelief over what Kiba had apparently said, then walked behind Sakura, muttering what sounded like moral support.


	5. Sakura's tales, pt 1 Kage of Konoha

**You can all thank my sister, b4ndg33k, for this update; she kept bugging me to put this up, so here it is. I really, really should be writing my paper for English, and its a little past midnight, I have a class tomorrow in the morning, and yada yada. I got to go to sleep now, just know that this is because of sleep deprivation. Whether it's Sakura's or mine, that's up to you to guess. Also, this one chapter is 14 pages. Be happy. Be very, very happy. Remember, this was written in one day.**

_Sakura was sitting in the children's ward of the hospital, telling popular stories and entertaining the sick children when it happened. One of the children happened to notice that she had bags under her eyes from lack of sleep, and out of concern asked her about it. Sakura's answer was to tell the poor, sick, impressionable children about her freaky sleep-deprived dream from the night before._

BOOM! Shakalaka!

Well, it all started when I was walking home from the hospital. I happened to be ambushed by my teammates, Naruto and Sasuke, on the way. They kept trying to get me to 'sleep' and 'rest' since technically I 'didn't even have work this past week, yet I was doing double shifts', and I needed to 'let the interns learn on their own, and if they have a problem, there are other doctors on call who could help them out.' Worry-warts. Anyways, Naruto was bouncing around; talking about a dozen different things at once and Sasuke was looking disinterested as usual. Suddenly Naruto got frustrated with the lack of response that he was getting from the both of us, though I suspect that he forgave me because I was practically sleepwalking.

"Teme! Come on, don't you feel the least bit sorry for Sakura-chan? I heard from Tsunade-Baa-chan that you could even _die_ from insomnia! Actually, now that I think about it, it's a wonder that Gaara's even alive… Anyways, don't you have a heart, teme?" Naruto complained to Sasuke, with a reproaching look on his face.

"Hn, dobe. It's her own fault if she's this unprofessional about her work… You know, I'm not even sure if she's listening," Sasuke said, glancing at me. I continued to walk down the street, not really in the mood for listening to their 'bonding time', as Sai's calling it now. Already, I had to listen to Naruto going on and on about how 'Hinata-chan looks like a fairy princess in her new dress, did you see, did you see?'

As I was walking away, I happened to catch sight of the powerful Ambassador to Suna, have you heard of her? Her name's Subaku no Temari, and she, along with her brothers (one of who is the Kazekage) have helped Konoha time and time again. Next time you see her, children, you should show your respect.

Anyways, I was walking along and I saw Temari-san walking down the street, dragging her guide to Konoha around with her, Nara Shikamaru. They were arguing like how they usually do, and I think they were talking about who was smarter than who, and as usual Temari-san was of the opinion that Shikamaru didn't have a brain, or if he did he didn't use it. She was also saying some bad words about him, and remember children, you shouldn't say bad words. Actually, if you see Temari-san, be sure to tell her that I told you to tell her that, okay?

Well, in the middle of their arguing, my teammates happened to find me again, and they brought along our friends, Hyuuga Hinata, Aburame Shino and Inuzuka Kiba. Most likely they were joining my boys because Naruto was gushing about how pretty Hinata looked.

As Temari-san and Shikamaru were arguing, they were making a bit of a scene and disrupting people's daily lives in the market. Kiba decided to be a hero for some reason, and broke up their beginning fight before anything bad could happen.

As he came back to the group, where Naruto and Sasuke had captured both of my arms so that I wouldn't 'escape to try and go back to do someone else's shift when you've been given explicit instructions to go home and rest', his team came to meet him.

"Good job, Kiba-kun," Hinata said softly.

"Yes. It is a good thing to have stopped this fight, as fighting, particularly with other villages that we are allied with, is against the rules," Shino stated in his calm manner.

"Eh, wasn't that big a deal," Kiba shrugged, scratching Akamaru behind the ears. "All I had to do was tell Temari-san that her brothers were looking for her, and that Shikamaru was needed by his mother to do some chores. Knowing them, neither can really tease the other about it without it coming back to them."

"Wow, way to be the hero, Kiba," Naruto said sarcastically, glancing at Hinata to see if she was being taken in by Kiba's show of bravery. Sasuke chose here to stop any beginning argument between them.

"What happens when they find out that you lied?"

"Oh, most likely they'll still be put to work, or something," Kiba said nonchalantly, though I happened to notice that he kept glancing towards a group of girls who were watching him while giggling.

"A-ano, maybe you should take Sakura-chan back home now? She looks like a walking zombie…" Hinata led off, staring at me with concern. I barely paid attention, though, because I happened to catch the reflection off of some gloves that one of the academy students had with them and I took off after them, leaving Naruto and Sasuke in the dust.

What? They were shiny, and whenever you are appropriately sleep-deprived, you can't really be held accountable for your actions.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

But you don't want to hear about that, so I'll skip ahead to after Naruto and Sasuke finally caught me.

After promising that they would get me my own pair of super-shiny-super-special-awesome-wow-wonder gloves (I'm still holding them to that, by the way children) we finally got to my house. As soon as I saw my wonderful, comfortable bed with my fluffy pillows waiting for me, I dove into bed and fell asleep as soon as I hit the sheets. Or so I thought…

_~.Interlude.~_

Next thing I knew, I was running down the dirt road to my family's farm, with my pet fox named Naruto running after me. We were trying to escape and beat the horrible old lady, Orochimaru, home before she could get us into trouble.

Running around back, I saw my Auntie Tsunade and my Uncle Kakashi (they were siblings, if I remember correctly) loading eggs from one of the incubators, that looked broken, into the brand new one that came earlier. I don't really remember what kind of eggs they were, if they were slug eggs, frog eggs, or maybe even snake eggs? But that's beside the point.

I tried to get their attention, to tell them what the horrible, ugly old lady, Orochimaru, had done to my poor fox, Naruto.

"And then she took the broom out and hit him! Can you believe that she did that, Uncle Kakashi? Auntie Tsunade?" I complained to the both of them, holding one of the new eggs carefully in my hands.

"Not now, Sakura, we're trying to keep count!" my Auntie Tsunade barked at me quickly, before grabbing the egg out of my hand and going back to counting.

"Sakura, why don't you go play somewhere else for right now, where you won't get into any trouble?" Uncle Kakashi told me exasperatedly.

_Fine!_ I thought, _I'll just go hang out with Shikamaru, Sasuke and Kiba then! __They__ won't tell me I'm annoying!_ However, later I realize that he never really said anything about me being annoying…

I walked over to where Shikamaru, Sasuke and Kiba were working as hired hands on my Aunt and Uncle's farm. Shikamaru was telling everyone about how someday, he was going to be mayor and then there would be a statue built of him. Sasuke rolled his eyes, but Kiba was listening intently. That is, until he remembered that he had to feed the frogs. Now, these weren't regular frogs, they were giant one's that my family bred for shows and the like.

As I came over, Sasuke turned to talk to me. Well, listen to me complain, really, but still.

After I poured my heart out, and Naruto was running around bothering Sasuke, saying 'dattebayo' every now and then (Naruto, that is dear children), Sasuke looked at me, kicked Naruto away without looking at him, and told me, "So, nobody's paying attention to you so you have to go around and cause trouble for people to pay attention to you? That sounds like something your dobe of a fox would do."

Naruto replied with 'dattebayo', which sounded remarkably like 'teme' to me, but I guess that's just because I'm always with him. It seemed like Naruto was my only friend, really…

While contemplating this, I decided to ignore what Sasuke was saying and start walking along the edges of the fences that kept our giant frogs in. Unfortunately for me, I slipped and fell into the pen. Luckily for me, Kiba quickly got me out of there. After some laughter about how lucky we both were, with Sasuke looking exasperated at us and Shikamaru saying we were troublesome, Auntie Tsunade came over and scolded us.

This seemed to be a common occurrence for me, now that I think about it…

However, all good things come to an end as I found out, since old lady Orochimaru came to visit later that day.

Uncle Kakashi was painting the fence for Auntie Tsunade, when Orochimaru came peddling up on her bike. Be glad you do not know what Orochimaru looks like, dear children, for if you did the mental image would scar you for life.

"I've come to see you and your sister about your niece and that fox of hers," Orochimaru said with authority that came from owning half of the prefecture.

"Hm? Did she cause you some trouble?" Uncle Kakashi asked.

"I have her to blame for the bite on my leg," Orochimaru proclaimed pompously.

"You mean she bit you?" Uncle Kakashi asked, feeling disgusted that I would do such a thing. He thought that he had taught me better than that; after all, did I even know where she had been?

"No! Her fox," Orochimaru answered in a holier-than-thou voice as she let herself in through the gate.

"Oh, she bit her fox, eh?" Uncle Kakashi asked amusedly. Orochimaru replied with a scathing look. Later inside, Orochimaru was telling my Auntie Tsunade and Uncle Kakashi about how she had papers saying that she could take Naruto with her to have him destroyed. Needless to say, this didn't go over so well for me.

"No, Auntie Tsunade, Uncle Kakashi!" I proclaimed loudly, clutching Naruto to me in an effort to keep him away from the hideous old snake woman. "You can't let this old hag take Naruto, it was all my fault! I let Naruto into Orochimaru's garden, I'm the one who told him to attack her cat, Kabuto, and I'm the one who stole her apples-!"

"Nothing was said about apples, dear," Tsunade said, giving me a look.

"Uh-the point is that it was all me, I put Naruto up to it, you shouldn't punish him!" I exclaimed. However, Orochimaru seemed to enjoy my pain and suffering and decided that he should take Naruto with him then and there, though he seemed to cast a glance to one of our hired hands, all of who were waiting by the wall to see what would happen.

After taking Naruto away from me, I quickly yelled out as many bad words that I knew (which you should never say, if you want to be good children) in Orochimaru's face, before running to my room and locking the door. I didn't even care about the punishment that I may get later from my aunt and uncle, because I was feeling that bad.

Don't worry children, this is a happy story; it will get better soon, I promise.

Later, when I was finished crying my eyes out Naruto leapt through my window, having come back to me. From his string of dattebayo's, I found out that Naruto used his awesome, powerful ninja-fox skills to escape from the basket that Orochimaru forgot to close properly when she wasn't looking, and ran as fast as he could to come back.

I knew, however, that we couldn't celebrate just yet, though. Orochimaru was most likely going to come back when she found out that Naruto was missing, so we had to hide Naruto. Naruto wouldn't have liked that though, so in a fit of brain power, I had the best idea that I could come up with—we would run away, somewhere where I wouldn't get in trouble all the time, and somewhere where Naruto wouldn't be targeted. My first thought was to go over the rainbow, though I'm not sure where that came from. After some careful re-thinking and consideration, I remembered that the circus was in town, so I could always runaway with them. It seemed the perfect idea, since not only was it the circus, but I could also probably get Auntie Tsunade and Uncle Kakashi tickets whenever I wanted, and it was the circus! It was perfect!

Except for when I finally reached the fairgrounds where the circus had been, I found out that they had left already. The only one left was The Great Gai, Guru of the Future! I figured that that meant that he could tell the future- maybe he would be able to tell me if I was able to join the circus, or even where they were next?

As I approached where The Great Gai had his trailer set up, Naruto was suddenly overcome with hunger, but as there was no ramen in the area, he settled for the hot dogs that were cooking over the fire that was in front of the trailer. Unfortunately, that was The Great Gai's lunch. After explaining things over with The Great Gai, he proclaimed that it was okay, because Naruto was full of youth, and could expect to live a long life.

When I told him why we were there, The Great Gai decided to perform a reading for me, free of charge. I was happy about that, since I would be able to have my future told, and find out what was in store for me, and I suddenly remembered that I didn't have any money with me.

When we entered the inside of The Great Gai's, he set me at his table and told me to close my eyes. I think I might have heard some rustling, but I think it was just Naruto rummaging around, being the curious little fox that he is. Even if he does happen to have nine tails, it just means that my pet's awesome!

Anyways, The Great Gai told me to open my eyes, and when he did, he started looking into his Crystal Ball of Youth and told me about what he saw: my family farm, complete with the picket fence, and my Auntie Tsunade, who was looking around everywhere for me.

"I see, with the great clarity of youth, that this young woman, who apparently hides her age, is greatly distraught. It's as if someone came by, and stole something precious to her; as if someone has broken her heart," The Great Gai proclaimed, looking both at the image in the crystal ball and at me.

Of course I felt guilty, I couldn't think of any other reason why Auntie Tsunade would be this upset other than if she found out I was gone; I had been so afraid for Naruto, and what would happen, that I hadn't even considered what would happen to Auntie Tsunade and Uncle Kakashi when they found out I was gone. I was starting to regret my actions, and wish that I had just hidden Naruto in the basement after all.

Seeming to sense this insecurity of mine, and my worst fears, the Crystal Ball of Youth told The Great Gai something else shortly after: "It appears that there is something wrong with her heart! She's falling down onto the bed now."

I was flabbergasted. My Auntie Tsunade could easily heal something wrong with her heart, without even having to think about it, but if she was too upset to do anything about it… I knew what I had to do. Gathering up Naruto and my belongings, I bid a hasty goodbye to The Great Gai and made my way back to my farm, just as the wind started to blow.

Back at my farm, everyone was looking for my as they caught sight of the twister headed their way. After freeing the animals, so that they would have a chance to run away, all of them headed towards the storm shelter, except for my Auntie Tsunade. She still searched and called out for me, but Uncle Kakashi pulled her into the shelter before the twister could really strike the place.

I arrived back with Naruto just as Auntie Tsunade was pulled into the shelter. I didn't know this, so I searched around a bit before heading to the shelter. The wind was blowing harder and harder, and I couldn't get the door to open. With nothing left to do, I headed back inside to my room, hoping it would provide me with at least a little shelter.

Suddenly, the storm hit-BAM! The house started to rock, and started to roll, as well. Yes, I see you smiling there in the back; you got that, didn't you? You are such a clever child. At any rate, it was around then that my window came out and hit me in the head. Luckily the bed was near, and I collapsed on it. I'm not quite sure where Naruto was during all of this, but that's not important.

When I came to, my house-my _whole house_- was in the twister! I know, I was shocked too. I went over to stand by the window, having found Naruto, and looked out. I saw the strangest things, such as a boy in green spandex with a bowl cut rowing a boat with another boy with long, brown hair that was tied back; this boy also had pale, almost white eyes with no pupils. I waved hesitatingly at them, and the boy with the bowl cut waved back at me, very enthusiastically.

"Lee! Keep your eyes in front, we don't know where this is going to take us!" the boy with the pale eyes shouted.

"Yosh! We must get first place, so that sensei will be proud!" the boy with the bowl cut, Lee, replied, getting back into the enthusiasm of rowing the boat.

Later, I saw a girl with long, blonde hair arranging flowers at what looked like part of a counter of a flower shop. She also waved at me, while smiling and throwing me the arrangement of flowers that she was working on; I believe they were Cosmos, with maybe some other, purple flower thrown into the mix. I set those down, when I suddenly noticed someone I wish I hadn't seen at all.

Riding along on her bicycle, body hunched over the handle bars with exertion, hair flying around her body and face, was the evil, ugly old hag lady Orochimaru. I gasped when I saw her, and Naruto growled, his nine tails flying wildly around. Not looking anywhere but in front of her, I noticed that Orochimaru was laughing as she cycled in place next to my window. Then, before my eyes, Orochimaru changed into an evil old snake-witch hag, riding on a broomstick!

Orochimaru soon left my window, cackling as he went.

Soon, my house ducked down, falling in a spiral. I fell once again on my bed, and when I opened my eyes, my house was on the ground again. Standing carefully, Naruto and I made my way to the door.

Opening it, I saw the most wondrous sight; all of the buildings were small, though still of manageable size and the greenery around me were gigantic and colorful. After stepping out of my house, I happened to notice that the road was in a spiral that led away to different places, with each road a different color.

"Naruto; I don't think we're in Japan anymore," I said softly to Naruto.

"I know, everything's so weird looking," Naruto said beside me. I suppose it was because we were in the new place, but Naruto could talk now. I didn't really notice anything, since it seemed like I could understand him anyway.

After walking towards a viewing platform next to the water, I noticed something else; a multicolor bubble was floating towards me, growing steadily larger as it came. Soon, it was right next to me, large enough for a person to fit inside—in fact, there _was_ someone inside it.

"Excuse me, I hope you don't think me rude, but- are you a good witch? Or a bad witch?" The nice looking lady said once she left the bubble and came towards us. Naruto couldn't seem to take her eyes off of her.

"Well, I'm not a witch at all. I'm just Haruno Sakura, a girl from a small farm in Japan. I couldn't possibly be a witch; they're so old, and ugly, and evil, and repulsive, and disgusting, and hideous, and foul, and vile, and abhorrent, and repellent, and stomach-turning, and-" I explained, before I was interrupted by giggling from children that I couldn't see.

"Who's giggling?" I asked, only now noticing that the lady was sweat-dropping, with a slightly strained, patient look on her face.

"Oh, don't mind them; they are the Academy Students, for you see, this is Academy Student Land. They are laughing, for you see, I am a witch. I'm Hinata, the Good Witch of the Hyuuga, or North, if you prefer," Hinata explained.

"Oh! I'm sorry, it's just, I know someone who's like a witch, the evil kind, that is, who I really hate," I explained.

"Well, isn't that nice?" Hinata asked, smiling a heavenly smile that made me feel evil, for some reason. Naruto still hadn't really looked away. "At any rate, if you are not a witch, then I am confused. The Academy Students said that a witch came and killed the Wicked Witch of the Akatsuki, or East, if you prefer, and here you are, and there's your house squishing the life out of the witch. Actually, I'm pretty sure she's already dead…" Hinata said, leaning over to look at the dead witch's legs coming out from under the house.

"Aw, you know what this means, right Sakura-chan? It means that now we'll have squished witch on the bottom of the house," Naruto pouted. Hinata looked a little surprised at first that a fox with nine tails was talking, but she got over it quickly. After calling the Academy Students over for introductions, Hinata sat back and watched while the leader of the Academy Students, Konohamaru, showed me (though mostly Naruto, for some reason…) around. Suddenly, the sky darkened and a cloud of smoke came. All of the Academy Students fell to the ground, playing dead, while I was left with Naruto not knowing what was happening. Hinata stiffened, and prepared for what was sure to come.

Unfortunately, I wasn't prepared for what I saw- it was the witch that Orochimaru had turned into.

"Ah, it's hideous!" I exclaimed silently.

"Yes, that is Orochimaru of the Sound, or west if you prefer. She's far worse than the other one over there," Hinata said to me, gesturing to my house. Orochimaru seemed to catch this gesture, and bent down to see what we were talking about.

"Who killed my partner? Who did it? Was it you, my dear?" Orochimaru said as she came over towards me.

"What? It-it was an accident, I didn't mean to-" I stuttered out, repulsed by the ugliness of it all.

"Rather than bother with a young girl who clearly knows nothing about what happened, why don't you bother with what your partner left you?" Hinata said calmly from my side.

Orochimaru greedily approached the house, but before she could claim whatever it was that she wanted, the remains of the Wicked Witch of the Akatsuki shriveled up and disappeared.

"What did you do with them?" Orochimaru roared, turning to face me. Naruto started growling from where he was standing protectively in front of me. "Where are my Ruby Gloves?"

"Huh?" I asked, not even knowing what was happening anymore.

"They are on her hands, and there they'll stay," Hinata said promptly, showing off one of my hands, which suddenly had shiny-shiny ruby gloves on them. While I was admiring my new shiny-shiny ruby gloves with Naruto, Hinata was telling Orochimaru off, and driving her away. Before I knew it, she had left me behind.

"Well, now, Sakura-chan," Hinata said to me, drawing my attention. "Orochimaru's going to want to try everything he can to get those gloves, so you need to be prepared. You want to go back to your home, correct? Well, you should visit the Kage, he will help you!"

"The Kage? Who's he?" I asked, feeling confused.

"He is the ruler of Konoha, and very powerful. I'm sure that if you go to the capitol of Konoha, also coincidentally named Konoha, he will send you home," Hinata said with a matronly smile on her face. "Just remember to follow the red brick road." With that, Hinata started to fade out. Already, her voice was hard to hear.

"What was that she said?" Naruto asked. One of the Academy Students, Udon, replied by saying "I think she said to follow the yellow brick road."

"Oh, that makes sense," I said, picking up Naruto and starting at the very center of the road. "After all, we're supposed to be going off on a quest full of adventure and treasure, right? Well, treasure's yellow, like gold."

"No…I said follow the _red_ brick road…like the color of your gloves? ...They match…and bricks are originally red…It'll take longer if you take the yellow brick road…Three times as long, at least…You're stupid, aren't you?" Hinata said, so soft that I could barely hear (not that I was listening, though) as she faded out.

And so, I started off on my adventure! With my trusty talking nine-tailed fox Naruto at my side! Nothing could stop me now!

Or so I thought. I was walking along, when suddenly I came across a cross-roads in the middle of a corn field.

"Uh…Naruto, which way should we go?" I asked, uncertain.

"How should I know? I'm new here, too," Naruto said, staring at the crows that were all over the corn fields. Noticing this, I couldn't help but point out that whoever ran the field was horrible at their job, if all of these crows could get here like this.

"Well, sorry, princess. Not all of us can have a freaking fox with us to scare off these pests. Troublesome," a voice said from somewhere. Looking around quickly, Naruto and I could only see the corn, the crows, and a scarecrow.

"Don't be silly, Naruto, scarecrows can't talk," I said to Naruto.

"I didn't say anything, though, dattebayo," Naruto replied.

"Who says I can't talk?" the voice came again. This time, I noticed that it was the scarecrow who was, in fact, talking.

"Sorry; it's just, where I come from, scarecrows can't talk," I said, apologizing to the scarecrow.

"Yeah, and they probably actually scare away these pests," the scarecrow said sulkily.

I felt bad for him, so I told him that sometimes they do, and sometimes they don't. He remained silent, so I took that moment to ask him if he knew where Konoha, Konoha was. After telling me that because he didn't have a brain, he wasn't sure. Seeing my dejected face, he told me that he often noticed people talking about going to Konoha, Konoha while going down a certain path. To thank him, I told him that I would take him along with me, so that maybe the Kage would give him some brains.

After the obligatory zombie joke from Naruto, I helped the scarecrow down and we headed off to Konoha, Konoha. First things first, though, we had to pass through the Forest of Death. Why it was called that, we didn't really feel up to finding out so we decided to pass through as quickly as we could. Unfortunately, we soon grew hungry. Luckily, we found some fruit trees.

However, what I didn't expect to happen was for the trees to fight back when I picked some of the fruit. What I expected even less was for the tree to talk to me after I had picked the fruit.

"Hey! Don't steal our food! Do we go around stealing yours?" the tree asked, with various other trees murmuring in agreement.

"Well, no, since you can't move," the scarecrow said lazily, picking up some of the apples that had fallen on the ground and handed them to me. "Would you like to get more?" He asked so that only I and Naruto could hear.

Since I was still feeling a little upset over what the trees had said and done to me (who know a tree slap could hurt, huh kids?) I promptly agreed.

After insulting the trees, and mentioning that the tree was looking particularly big around the middle, the trees started attacking us with their fruit. Gathering up all we could eat and more, for later, we headed off again.

It was as we were passing by a tower in what the scarecrow guessed to be the middle of the forest, we happened to come across a tin man, who was frozen. Naruto, thinking that he was playing charades decided to strike a pose next to him. When the tin man started making sounds that sounded like threats, the scarecrow and I guessed that the tin man was frozen because he had rusted, particularly when it looked like he was gesturing with his eyes to where an oil can was placed tantalizingly _just_ out of the tin man's reach.

After a debate about which part of the tin man we should oil first, (during which it seemed that the tin man started threatening myself and the scarecrow), we decided that the best place would be the arm joint. This was decided using rock-paper-scissors (Naruto was hard to beat, since he kept using his tails to help him win), which we decided was probably the fairest way, and the quickest. We didn't like the murderous aura that was coming from the tin man by that point…

When his arm joint was sufficiently oiled, the tin man promptly stole the oil can to start oiling the different parts of his body himself. It seemed he was impatient, for some reason…

"It's about time," the tin man said grumpily. "I've been standing in that position for the past year or so, and then some stupid dobe of a fox decides to play games, and some girl and a scarecrow choose to take their sweet time deciding _which part of me to oil first_ when, hey, why don't you oil my mouth, then I could tell you!"

The three of us looked at him, when I suddenly said, "Wow, you're grumpy, aren't you?"

"Well, what do you expect, I don't have a heart. The stupid person who made me ended up not having enough material for one, so here I am. Blame him, if you want," the tin man replied. To me, it seemed like he was sulking, so I just had to invite him along with us. Naruto wasn't too happy at first, but he got over it; the scarecrow was indifferent to the offer. After considering us for a while, the tin man agreed to accompany us, as it was payment for taking our time, and this way he could finally get his heart and see what the big deal about it was.

Now, you must remember children, this man was very, very emo. He is what you could call a 'sad-sack', and he always tried to get people to feel sorry for him so that he would feel better. But enough about that.

We were heading towards the exit of the Forest of Death when we heard something growling. Immediately realizing that the Forest of Death must have been called that because of potentially deadly wild animals. Unfortunately, this realization came too late, as the next minute a wild wolf came bursting through the brush, growling menacingly at us. He started closing in on the scarecrow, who had fallen on the ground, when Naruto jumped in.

Merely by growling back, and baring his teeth, Naruto was able to scare and chase the wolf around the place where I was helping the tin man lift the scarecrow off the ground. Eventually, the wolf was cornered in front of a tree with nowhere else to go.

"Please don't hurt me!" the wolf pleaded, cowering into a ball. "I didn't mean it, I swear!"

"You were going to disembowel the scarecrow!" the tin man shouted back, earning a weary glance from the scarecrow.

"He's really getting into this, isn't he?" I asked Naruto, who only looked at the wolf before asking him why it was that he chose to attack, then.

The wolf then told us about how he was a coward, and how he had no friends. He was so scared sometimes that he couldn't even sleep, especially there in the Forest of Death. Naruto then decided to take him with us to visit the Kage, to help the wolf gain courage. The scarecrow suggested we move on before we pick up anyone else, and the tin man agreed and started off before we could say anything.

We finally arrived at Konoha later that evening. When we first got there, before we could even enter the city, we were stopped at the door. You see, kids, there was a bell pull that was next to the door, so naturally we pulled it, only to be scolded later by a man with sunglasses who told us that pulling the bell was against the rules, as clearly stated by the sign hanging on the door. We pointed out that there was no sign, the man got angry and put the sign up before we had a chance to object further. After following the orders on the sign and knocking on the door, we were finally allowed entrance to the city.

Once inside, it was a simple matter to find the place where the Kage was; it was another matter entirely to actually get inside. The guard at the front door wouldn't let us in, until I broke down crying about how I wanted to go home, so that way I could apologize to my Auntie Tsunade and Uncle Kakashi. For some reason, the other people in my life were a blur. Oh well, I was sure it didn't matter.

After the waterworks that I used, a surefire way to make anyone feel guilty, along with the tin man's glare and Naruto and the wolf growling behind me, helped us gain access to the Kage of Konoha. When we entered, all that we saw in the room was a giant, levitating green bald head. The head, which apparently was the Kage, told us that if we wanted our wishes granted then we would have to go forth and kill Orochimaru for him. When Naruto asked why the Kage, if he was so powerful, couldn't he just get rid of Orochimaru himself? In reply, the Kage set Naruto's tails on fire. The scarecrow, knowing what fire could do to him, jumped out of the window. Later, he blamed that decision on the fact that he doesn't have a brain. The wolf claimed that it was because he was scared, so he followed and for Naruto, there was water below. The tin man and I glanced at each other before agreeing with the Kage's demands and leaving through the door.

We traveled to the mountain that was conveniently next to Konoha where Orochimaru's castle was said to be. Unfortunately for us, Orochimaru knew that we were coming, and sent her army out to get us. After capturing both myself, Naruto, and for some reason the tin man, we were taken to the castle where I was separated from the tin man. Orochimaru said something about wanting the emo boy to join up with her… Back with me, however, I was left in a room with only Naruto and some giant crystal ball that played me a clip of my Auntie Tsunade upset, looking for me. Orochimaru then cut in, calling me her dear and taunting me before leaving.

Now, I think it is fair to warn you, my darling children that it was at this point that I lost my temper. I'm not sure what you've heard about me for when I lose my temper, but you should know one thing; never, ever make me super angry, or it will be very bad 3

It was at this point that I decided to take my anger out on the door that was keeping me locked in the room. As soon as I hit it, it crumbled into saw dust and Naruto and I were free. I had Naruto escape to bring the scarecrow and the wolf to the castle, where they took out the underlings and the army. While this was happening, I was helping the tin man escape. Unfortunately, Orochimaru found out about our plan and had us cornered. Luckily for me, I was still angry and happened to have a torch with me. I threw the torch at Orochimaru's face, and she melted. I'm not sure how fire made her melt, unless she was made of wax—actually, that would explain a lot…

At any rate, we raided her castle afterwards, taking what we needed to for identification purposes that the Kage had asked us for earlier. It took a while, and another game of rock-paper-scissors but we finally decided what we should take with us; I wanted to take the giant crystal ball, but I was told that I'd have to carry it myself if I really wanted to take it. In the end, it was decided that we would take a wart-removal potion, the witches broom, her spell book, and one of the witch's cloaks.

When we went back to see the Kage, however, we were told by him that he had changed his mind and decided to not grant us our wishes. In the middle of our protests, however, Naruto had run off, and being the mischievous fox that he is discovered something that we didn't notice (for some reason) the first time. There was some sort of booth in the corner, where what looked like ink was dripping slightly from the corner. When we took a closer look, we could see that there was ink dripping from the giant floating head as well.

Well, as all four of us were feeling a bit angry with the supposed Kage, we dragged the imposter out, where he told us the truth: he was actually an artist with the power to bring his art to life. When he was on tour, he happened to somehow land in Konoha, where everyone proclaimed him the Kage and he never bothered to correct them. He also told everyone some things that came as a shock to us; the scarecrow, by coming up with all of our plans, and knowing and observing random things, showed his intelligence, and thus had a brain; the tin man had a heart after all, or he wouldn't survive. He just didn't like to show it off that much, but when he did it would prove its existence; the wolf had courage, he showed it when he chose to come and fight the witch with us, and when we were attacking the Kage.

As for me, he said that he would take me home with him on one of his art pieces. Unfortunately, someone distracted Naruto with ramen so I had to run off after him while Sai left me all alone in Konoha. Luckily for me, Hinata decided to show herself at that moment to save the day. Apparently, I had the power to go back home all by myself, in the shiny-shiny ruby gloves that helped me escape earlier. Apparently they also had the power to take me home; go figure. Also, according to Hinata, I had to learn a lesson before I could go home. I chose to tell her that I really wanted to go home and apologize, or I might never get another chance. She bought that, and by clapping my hands together three times, I said goodbye to my friends who were already moving on with their lives, as I went back to mine.

"…_and then after words, I was able to see my Auntie Tsunade and Uncle Kakashi again, and tell them that I would never, ever get myself into trouble again. The end!" Sakura said cheerfully, smiling at the children in front of her. The children all held wonder on their faces, having enjoyed the story greatly._

"_Unfortunately, that's not the end for you, Sakura," came a voice from behind. Sakura froze, then slowly turned around to see that the entire Konoha 12 were standing in the doorway, with looks ranging from disturbed to slightly amused to clearly worried for Sakura's mental health._

"_We told you, Sakura, that you have the __whole__ week off, not just part of yesterday," Naruto said with a stern look on his face and in his voice._

"_You thought you could sneak away in the morning, didn't you?" Sasuke asked, gesturing for the others to surround her. "But you can't get away from all of us, can you?"_

_Sakura turned to look at her captive audience of patients. "Don't worry!" Sakura said with a smile, "I'll be back soon, I promise!" _

"_With another story?!" the children asked excitedly._

"_Of course, I know just what I'll tell you next!" Sakura assured them as she was literally dragged away._

"_That's it, she's going on medication when we see Tsunade-Baa-chan," Naruto mumbled to Sasuke, who silently agreed with him._

**So, this was lightly based off of Wizard of Oz, as you can tell. I tried to do it as close to the movie as I could remember, but I was also trying to get this finished with today.**

**So, disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Wizard of Oz. **

**I would really appreciate it if you would review; thank you in advance!**


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